EP67: Dream Killers - What To Do When They Come For You?
Welcome back, friends.
In case you didn’t figure it out, today we're talking about feelings.
There is a total of three (3) Steps to handle Dream Killers.
Step One - Recognize it.
Step Two - Reframe
Step Three - Resume
This was a longer podcast today.
I needed it.
You probably need it.
I think we ALL need it.
So let’s just dive on in. [the water's fine]
Step-One Recognize It
It has been found that desire and dread are produced in the same adjacent regions of the brain. The chemical dopamine induces both of these emotions.
This is why when we think about the things we desire, it is easy to produce those emotions, such as dread, fear, and anxiety.
We all have 100 percent success overcoming our fears.
It is a normal part of life – everyone feels it.
If there is no fear, then there is no courage.
Think about almost anything you have ever been afraid of…
Were you able to overcome it?
Sure you were!
It. Did. Not. Kill. You.
Over at goop.com, there was an article I read about the Five Steps for Overcoming Fear.
There they describe a tool called the Reversal of Desire tool. Here's the LINK to that article.
You all may find it interesting too. In the article, they describe how to take control of fear.
We have ALL overcome some crazy, scary things in our days on this Earth.
So why do we still fear the things that bother us?
Another thing too…
It turns out we do not need a huge percentage of certainty of success to make decisions about whether to move forward or not, with our dreams.
Not even close.
Instead, we only need as little as 65% certainty.
Much, much less than once thought.
It has been found that the best way to get clarity is to move towards the object you are pursuing.
If you're as OLD as I am, this is a Truth, you can understand. That is if you have to squint to read the fine print. You gotta get real close to have clarity - right?
And this is particularly true regarding our goals and achieving them.
People get confused between goals and strategy all the time.
I know I do from time to time, and I would bet some of you do too.
I won’t tell.
A goal is about the outcome, and strategy is about how you're going to get there.
You can be committed to a goal, with the strategy getting flexed as you need it to be so that you can get it done.
There are three (3) things that help.
- Knowing your WHY
- Baby steps (mini-goals)
- Community (support of others; those who are also looking to achieve their goals too)
Doubt (Specifically, self-doubt), is something we as humans must overcome all the time. It visits us at the most inopportune times.
It causes us to ask ourselves stupid [YES ... I have found that we sometimes do ask stupid] questions.
Questions that cause problems, and prevent us from performing well.
Questions such as…
I'm not sure I have the resources.
Do I have what it takes?
Do I have the capability?
Do I have the money?
Do I have the time?
Do I have the ability to achieve this goal and succeed?
Of the three emotions [fear, uncertainty, and doubt], this one [doubt] is the most deadly.
This is the one that lets you think you're all good early in the day and then about 9 pm, after a long hard day, self-doubt creeps in.
It's when you start second-guessing yourself.
You know what I’m talking about – Right?
This coupled with our close friends, and family members, asking those hard questions too…
Like, “are you sure you know what you are doing?”
"Do you really have the education to do that?"
Or the time…
Or the money…
Or the talent…
To do that?
This can lead to the formation of limiting beliefs.
But the problem with beliefs…
Is that we will often confuse them with objective truths.
Limiting beliefs show up as if they were the truth.
This often turns into what we all know as [drum roll please!] “Imposter Syndrome”.
These emotions all appear to be quite negative and we surely don't welcome them with open arms.
However, if we just shift our perspective, these emotions can indicate that we are on the right path and headed in the right direction.
Even though it may seem like it is the very opposite of that.
They also indicate that we are in a very important zone.
Which one – you may be asking?
The discomfort zone.
There are three zones in which you can set your goals.
The first one is the comfort zone - which feels the most doable. You know – the one you like to be in. But the problem with the comfort zone is that it tends to not be nearly challenging enough to captivate your imagination or even compel your best execution.
Then there is the discomfort zone. Here is where we feel fear, uncertainty, and doubt. It is a little bit scary (that’s fear - ya'll), and where we're not sure we can accomplish it (now uncertainty), or if we even have the resources to pull it off (self-doubt).
And then finally there is the delusional zone, and we definitely don't want to be there. This is where we have these crazy, grandiose ideas about what we [believe] we can accomplish.
When thinking about setting goals, we may just want to go right up to the delusional zone, and then dial it back just a (little) bit, so we land squarely in the discomfort zone.
Because the truth is this - nothing great ever happens in the comfort zone.
These emotions of fear, uncertainty, and doubt, are sort of like your welcoming committee of the discomfort zone.
So embrace it.
You have to persist despite these emotions. They validate the importance of what you are pursuing.
If what you are doing, or want to do was insignificant, you wouldn't care. You wouldn't feel those emotions, right?
When you are in the discomfort zone, you're emotionally vested, because it matters!
One thing about emotions too is they make you feel something.
When you imagine what success looks like to you, it becomes a driving force – and it helps to propel you forward.
These emotions - both the negative and the positive ones, are preparing us [you and I] for peak performance.
At the end of the day, you just have to do it afraid.
Just do it scared.
No matter how much we want to…
We just can't wait until we feel confident. That would just be a mistake.
Too many people just wait, wait and then wait some more, until the fear abates and they begin to feel a sudden rush of confidence, and then they'll do it.
In reality, though, you'll be waiting a long time before that happens.
Courage precedes confidence.
Many people think, “once I'm confident, then I'll be courageous“.
That’s wrong - and completely opposite.
They look the same on the outside, but courage and confidence are very different on the inside.
When you are being courageous, you’re doing it scared despite the fear.
When you are confident, it is because you have already done it scared, and after doing that a few times, you now know the outcome, and you can feel a bit more confident.
Like riding a bike for the first time. You cannot wait for confidence. You have no reference to base it on. But you can be courageous. You can take a leap of faith. Sure, you may stumble, but in doing that you learn. Then you learn more. Eventually, you’re jumping on a bike with ease, unaware of your previous struggles.
Feel the emotion, notice it, and move forward.
Jon Acuff said, “The arrival of fear is not an indication to stop. It is an indication to keep going.” And, "Fear is an indication that you are on the right path.”
Jim Rohn speaks of the law of diminishing intent.
When you get excited about something, whatever that may be for you, but you put it off, over time that excitement begins to wane.
This is similar to what I coined - "going beyond the shelf life of your dreams".
Food has a shelf life. They stamp a date on it, so you know what it is.
But our dreams…
Our precious dreams…
Well, there is no stamp to let you know you’re getting close to losing your dream. You just wake up one day and it is just gone.
When you learn something new, from a course, a book, a conference, or class - and instead of acting on what you’ve learned immediately, the odds of you ever doing anything progressively gets less with the passing of days.
This is the law of diminishing intent.
Over time it wanes.
But there is an antidote for that.
It is called…
Which stands for…
L - Lean into that change with expectancy.
E - Engage with the concept or the issue until you achieve clarity.
A - Activate. Do something, anything. You have to take action.
P - Pounce. The best time to do something? Now!
Waiting feels safe.
But it KILLS dreams.
Nothing will undermine your dreams like waiting.
Waiting for certainty.
Waiting for all these emotions to go away.
The good news though…
Once you do take that first step. Once you decide to take action, those emotions lose their hold on you.
Then later you will find yourself looking back and asking yourself, “what was I so afraid of?”
We make it bigger in our minds.
I want to ask you this…
What is waiting for you on the other side of your discomfort?
The next time you confront fear, doubt, and uncertainty, do this…
Leverage the steps we discussed.
If you can persist through the discomfort the reward will be worth it.
Remember, these are not negative emotions.
They just seem to be.
They are uncomfortable, YES, but if you can learn to embrace these and let them be your friends…
If you can let them work for you.
They will give you an edge, particularly against all those people trying to accomplish great things.
Let your competitors get stuck. They have their own emotions too – to deal with.
If you can embrace these emotions, lean into them, and make them your friends, it can give you the edge to accomplish great things.
Give it a try.
Go and make your dreams come true.
Another podcast/blog post has come to an end.
I look forward to speaking with you again, next week.
Until then my friends.
James "Still Dreaming" Brown
P.S. - In the event, you DO find that once an episode has been produced and posted, that YOU really would like more information, just let me know. Use the Podcast Questions link, click on the link here. Or you can just leave a voice message here.